Holiday Prep: Navigating the Season as an LGBTQIA+ Youth or Ally

Rachael Longoria, MS, LPC, NCC (she/her) is Out Youth’s Director of Clinical & Social Services. She is also an Adjunct Professor of Counseling at St. Edward’s University, President of the Capital of Texas Counseling Association, a PhD candidate at Texas Tech University’s Counseling Education program, and operates a private counseling practice, SpeakEasy Counseling, LLC.

Alok Vaid-Menon once said, “It’s never been about comprehension, it’s always been about compassion.” This quote feels especially important as we head into the holiday season. For LGBTQIA+ youth, this time of year can bring joy but also many challenges.

The holidays often come with more harmful rhetoric and policies that target LGBTQIA+ communities. Many queer and trans youth face higher risks of depression, including seasonal depression, compared to their cisgender, heterosexual peers. Affirming someone’s identity can greatly improve mental health for LGBTQIA+ youth (Riggle et al., 2014; Tordoff et al., 2022). Without support, though, youth in states with anti-LGBTQIA+ policies are more likely to experience bullying and substance use (Watson et al., 2021). The Trevor Project also found that less than 40% of LGBTQIA+ youth feel their home is a supportive space.

Family gatherings and traditions can sometimes bring tension for LGBTQIA+ individuals. Whether you are part of the LGBTQIA+ community or an ally, showing compassion can make a big difference. Here are some tips to help you or your loved ones get through the holidays.

Holiday Coping Tips for LGBTQIA+ Youth

1. Find affirming spaces. Spend time with people who allow you to be your true self. Safe and supportive environments can make the holidays much easier.

2. Check in with your emotions. Ask yourself how you’re feeling. Do you need a break? Is there someone you trust to lean on? Have a plan for coping if things get tough.

3. Follow positive voices online. Make your social media a space that uplifts you. Follow people and organizations that reflect your values and make you feel good about yourself. (Like Out Youth!)

4. Consider advocacy or activism. If it feels right, take part in actions that support LGBTQIA+ rights. Advocacy can look different for everyone, from speaking up in conversations to supporting policy changes. Choose what feels empowering to you.

Tips for Allies of LGBTQIA+ Loved Ones

• Show your support. Let your loved one know you care about them and value who they are.

• Ask questions with kindness. Be curious and open to learning about their experiences.

• Educate yourself. Learn about LGBTQIA+ topics on your own so your loved one doesn’t have to explain everything.

• Be nonjudgmental. Create a space where your loved one feels safe and supported.

• Offer affirmations. A simple “I’m here for you” can go a long way.

A Reminder of Your Worth

It’s easy to give compassion to others, but don’t forget to show it to yourself. The holidays can be tough, especially if you’re in a space that doesn’t feel affirming. Here’s your reminder: you are loved, you matter, and you deserve to take care of yourself this holiday season.

Whether you find strength in advocacy, supportive spaces, or allyship, these steps can help make the holidays more manageable. Remember, you are not alone. Out Youth and many other organizations are here to support you through it all.

References:

Gonzalez, K. A., Pulice-Farrow, L., & Abreu, R. L. (2022). “In the voices of people like me”: LGBTQ coping during Trump’s administration. The Counseling Psychologist, 50(2), 212-240.

Johnson, K. C., LeBlanc, A. J., Sterzing, P. R., Deardorff, J., Antin, T., & Bockting, W. O. (2020). Trans adolescents’ perceptions and experiences of their parents’ supportive and rejecting behaviors. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 67(2), 156.

Riggle, E., Gonzalez, K., Rostosky, S., & Black, W. (2014). Cultivating positive LGBTQA identities: An intervention study with college students. Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling, 8(3), 264-281. https://doi.org/10.1080/15538605.2014.933468

Tordoff, D., Wanta, J., Collin, A., Stepney, C., Inwards-Breland, D., & Ahrens, K. (2022). Mental health outcomes in transgender and nonbinary youths receiving gender-affirming care. JAMA Network Open, 5(2), e220978. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2022.0978

Watson, R. J., Fish, J. N., Denary, W., Caba, A., Cunningham, C., & Eaton, L. A. (2021). LGBTQ state policies: A lever for reducing SGM youth substance use and bullying. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 221, 108659. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2021.108659

Supporting Your Trans and Nonbinary Child: A Guide for Families

As we honor Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) on November 20, we take a moment to reflect on the challenges trans and nonbinary people face and recommit to building a more supportive and affirming world. For parents and caregivers, raising a trans or nonbinary child can feel like uncharted territory, but you’re not alone. With love, understanding, and the right resources, you can create a safe and nurturing environment where your child can thrive.

At Out Youth, we’ve seen the difference family support can make. We’re here to help you navigate this journey with your child, offering resources, community, and guidance every step of the way.

Why Support Makes a Difference

Trans and nonbinary youth often experience higher rates of bullying, discrimination, and mental health struggles compared to their peers. According to The Trevor Project, more than half of trans and nonbinary young people considered suicide in the past year. But there’s hope: research shows that just one affirming adult in a child’s life drastically lowers those risks.

You have the power to be that life-changing support for your child. You can create a home where they feel safe, valued, and free to be themselves.

Building a Supportive Home Environment

1. Start with Listening and Learning
   If your child has shared their identity with you, it’s a sign of trust. Listening without judgment shows them that you’re a safe person to turn to. Be open to change and take time to learn about gender diversity and what being trans or nonbinary means. At Out Youth, we offer resources to help families deepen their understanding, such as our weekly support group for parents and caregivers of transgender, nonbinary, and questioning youth.

2. Affirm Your Child’s Identity
   Simple acts like using your child’s name and pronouns and advocating for others to do the same can have an enormous impact on their well-being. Celebrate their choices in how they express themselves—whether it’s through clothing, hairstyles, or hobbies. Your support tells them that they’re loved exactly as they are. When the world feels out to get them, it means everything for your child to know you’re always on their team.

3. Seek Out Support
   Parenting can be tough, especially when navigating something unfamiliar. Connecting with other families of trans and nonbinary youth can make a world of difference. Along with free counseling for LGBTQIA+ youth, Out Youth offers support groups and resources where you can find community, advice, and encouragement.

Helping Schools Become Safe Spaces

1. Advocate for Inclusive Policies
   Schools should be places where every child feels safe. Talk to your child’s school about creating inclusive policies such as having teachers use the correct name and pronouns, providing gender-neutral facilities, and addressing bullying. If you need help getting started, Out Youth can provide tools and resources to guide these conversations.

2. Encourage Representation
   Ask about incorporating LGBTQIA+ topics into the curriculum. Representation helps all students understand and respect one another. Supporting student-led groups like Gender and Sexuality Alliances (GSAs) can also create a more inclusive environment.

3. Partner with Educators
   Work with your child’s teachers and school counselors to ensure their needs are met. Sharing resources, like those available through Out Youth, can help schools become better allies to trans and nonbinary students.

Being an Ally in Your Community

1. Start Conversations
   Use your voice to educate others about the challenges trans and nonbinary youth face. Sharing your journey as a supportive parent can inspire others to become allies and show other families of trans youth that they are not alone.

2. Show Up
   Attend community events like TDOR or Pride celebrations to show your support. Organizations like Out Youth host events where you can connect with other families and allies.

3. Celebrate Your Child
   Being trans or nonbinary is just one beautiful part of who your child is. Celebrate their resilience, their creativity, their intelligence, and everything else that makes them unique.

Out Youth: Here to Support Your Family

At Out Youth, we’re here for families just like yours. Whether you need resources, a listening ear, or a community that understands, our programs are designed to support LGBTQIA+ youth and their families. From support groups and counseling to educational workshops, we’re committed to helping you create an affirming environment for your child. If you don’t know where to get started, you can always just reach out.

A Brighter Future

This Transgender Day of Remembrance, let’s honor the lives we’ve lost by committing to the young people who are here today. With love, advocacy, and support, we can create a safer world for our children—one where they are free to live as their truest selves.

You’re not in this alone, and Out Youth is here to walk with your family every step of the way.

Jaryn's Journey: From Coming Out Day to Every Day—The Ongoing Process of Being You

Jaryn Holbrook Janeway, MBA (they/them) is OutYouth’s Director of Programs & Operations. They are also a co-author of Trans+: Love, Sex, Romance, and Being You, a growing-up guide for trans and non-binary youth. To celebrate Coming Out Day on October 11, 2024, we sat down with Jaryn to discuss their coming out journey and advice they’d like to share with LGBTQIA+ people on the cusp of their own coming out journey.

Could you share a bit about your coming out journey? What led you to that moment?

What's important in my story–and the stories of primarily every youth I've worked with–is that we all have the big “coming out moment”. But, our lives are all about the little moments where we have to come out too. My first coming out: I was 14 and my sister was upset with my mom, and, while comforting her, I came out to her. I immediately regretted it and the next day told her I was lying. Months later, they were driving back from a cheerleading competition. My sister was in the backseat, and my mom was up front and was talking about all sorts of things. But in the course of their conversation, my mom had mentioned what a good brother I was. My sister, without thinking, was like, “No, he's not. He lied to me and told me he was gay.” 

That night, I was trying to mind my own business and watch Saturday Night Live. My parents came into my room, and I finally told them. Ultimately, I was safe. They affirmed that they still loved me. Things still changed. That still happens today, but I'm hoping that it's changing enough that it becomes a non-issue.

Were there specific people or resources that helped you feel ready to come out?

I must have been 11, maybe 12, when I started coming to terms with the fact that I was different. Back then, we didn't have a whole lot. There weren't gay books in the school library. There weren't gay books in the public library. The most representation we had on TV at that time was Ellen, who had come out on her sitcom, and then Will and Grace. Specifically with Will and Grace, we have to acknowledge that those were caricatures of what gay people are. I relied on the Internet a lot: chat rooms and support websites. I’m pretty sure PFLAG was a website I ended up on.

I'm really glad you asked that question because what I remember most about that time was being comforted by other people's stories. They did make me feel less alone, even stories that didn't end well. There was almost a completely universal agreement that coming out was hard.

What was the most challenging part of coming out, and how did you overcome it?

I'm going to go back to where we started, which is that coming out is not a singular experience. We have to come out over and over and over again. While I came out as a gay boy at 14, I came out to my mom again at 19 as genderqueer (maybe). I was at home the summer after my freshman year of college and we were talking. I was like, “I really want to be a parent,” and she was very affirming of it. I was like, “No, I don't think you understand. I want to have a baby.” She's like, “I get it. You want to have kids.” “You don't understand. I want to carry a baby. I want to give birth to a baby.” She didn't know what to do with that. That's in no way to blame her. I don't know that I would have known what to say in her position.

Then, I came out as a trans woman five times, as I couldn't get over the trans narrative. Then, a pandemic happened, and I came to realize again my sexuality has always been one thing, but my gender identity’s always been another. I even wrote a book about gender. I know that gender is a performance.

What I'm coming out into at almost 40 is an understanding that I've been doing gender for everyone else. I wasn't doing gender for me. And that's a hard thing to admit given the life that I've lived and the work that I do. Even in those moments of doubt–and admittedly some shame about getting myself wrong so many times–is knowing that I've been able to turn it around and use it for good at Out Youth. This line that you've probably heard me say a thousand times: We will always be there for our youth and their families, no matter how many times they might change. And it's not that we think that gender identity or sexual orientation is a choice. It’s an acknowledgment that we are always unfolding and that to hold space for everyone in our lives to become who they're supposed to be is an honor.

How has coming out impacted your mental health and sense of self?

Coming out is terrifying. To hold on to that secret takes a lot of mental and physical energy. Specifically mental–it takes its toll. The analogy I always use with our youth is that, imagining the brain as a computer, hiding pieces of yourself takes so much RAM. It's also been helpful with parents because I explain that your kid has been walking around using 90% of their available brain capacity to constantly police themselves–what they say, what they look like, how they dress. They are spending so much of their energy to hide in plain sight. The magical thing that we get to witness at Out Youth is when a youth finally lets go. The word that we hear so often is “blossoming”. My favorite was the mom who came in one day and said, “It's like my kid exploded. I didn't think it was possible for a person to be more themself. And my kid is now.” Because they don't have to waste all that time and energy.

The first coming out is hard, and the one after that is a little easier, in general. That's what older queer folks forget. If I asked you to put anything in this article, it would be this part: as older folks who don't have to confront coming out over and over again, it's easy to forget that we're coming out all the time. Just because it's easier now because you've had lots of practice, doesn't mean you're not still doing it.

What we hear a lot is, “The kids today have it so easy.” It's not easy. It’s different.

What are some things you wish you had known before coming out?

I had to have a first coming out over and over again. But at nearly 40, I wish I had done it for me. It's not to say that I never did any of my coming out for me. I've never done a coming out that was only for me. I have spent so much of my life trying to be what everybody else wanted or needed me to be.

I think a fairly universal experience at least amongst trans people of my generation is that we spent so much time and energy trying to figure out who we were that we never took time to figure out who we wanted to be. Gender is such a gigantic construct that goes unseen by the vast majority of humanity, but we all participate in it all the time. 

As trans people, we feel compelled to figure out how to present ourselves in the world to feel safe and to feel true. I don't know that we get the chance to figure out what we want to be when we grow up like other folks do. It's a subtle difference because I'm not saying that who we are as trans people is not part of that. But if I was not who I am, I would not have ended up at Out Youth. I wanted to go to MIT and study robotics and build robots that went to space. And I'm here. Which is amazing. There is not a day that I wake up and don't feel lucky to have ended up here. And that's not to say that had I gone and built robots, I would have been miserable. We don't have the same experience as others because we don't have the luxury of figuring out what we want to be as we emerge.

Gender is so ingrained. When Out Youth did the Take My Hand Texas campaign in 2017, one of our board members asked “besides locker rooms and restrooms, what other places do trans folks encounter gender in a way that might not feel safe?” I distinctly remember in that meeting, I just said “everywhere.” 

For me, I encounter it where I get uncomfortable. I encountered it this morning on the way to this meeting. I stepped out my front door and the UPS guy showed up. And as I turned around to put the package he gave me inside, he shouted over his shoulder, “Have a good day, ma’am.” It's not big, but it was gender. It's everywhere. We have to wiggle through it all the time and it's uncomfortable.

If you could say one thing to someone who's struggling with the idea of coming out, what would it be?

I can't promise that it's all going to be okay. But in the end, I hope you find it worth it. Because I did. And our stories are not going to be the same. They can't be. But for all the times I struggled and worried about coming out – I've lost people, and it sucked, and it felt lonely at times. But in the end, it's always been worth it, because as far as I know, we only get this one life. And it has been worth being myself.

Creating Safe and Inclusive School Environments for LGBTQIA+ Youth: Tips for Educators and Families

As we observe Suicide Prevention Month this September, it's crucial to acknowledge the unique challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ youth in schools. Studies show that LGBTQIA+ youth are at a higher risk of experiencing bullying, discrimination, and mental health issues, all of which can contribute to increased rates of suicide. However, by fostering safe and inclusive school environments, educators, families, and communities can significantly improve the well-being and mental health of LGBTQIA+ students.

Understanding the Importance of Inclusivity in Schools

Creating an inclusive and supportive environment in schools is vital for the mental health and well-being of LGBTQIA+ youth. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQIA+ youth who have access to affirming spaces are significantly less likely to attempt suicide. By implementing inclusive practices, schools can create a space where all students feel safe, valued, and respected.

Tips for Educators: Building an Inclusive Classroom

1. Educate Yourself and Others

• Stay Informed: Educators should make an effort to understand LGBTQIA+ issues, terminology, and identities. Utilize resources and training programs to stay informed about the latest developments in LGBTQIA+ education.

• Share Knowledge: Incorporate LGBTQIA+ topics into your curriculum and classroom discussions. This not only educates students but also normalizes diverse identities and experiences.

2. Use Inclusive Language

• Pronouns Matter: Respect and use students' chosen names and pronouns. Create an environment where students feel comfortable sharing their pronouns and correct misgendering when it occurs. Sometimes, asking students for their pronouns off the bat can create an environment where they feel put on-the-spot or singled out. The Transgender Education Network of Texas recommends that educators ask how they can best support their students through a confidential handout given to all students at the beginning of the year.

• Gender-Inclusive Language: Use language that is inclusive of all gender identities. Avoid making assumptions about students' genders based on their appearance or names. 

3. Create a Safe Space

• Visible Support: Display symbols of support, such as rainbow flags or Safe Zone stickers, to signal that your classroom is an inclusive space for LGBTQIA+ students.

• Zero Tolerance for Bullying: Establish a clear anti-bullying policy that explicitly includes protections for LGBTQIA+ students. Address any instances of bullying or harassment promptly and effectively.

4. Encourage Student-Led Initiatives

• GSA Clubs: Support the formation of Gender and Sexuality (or Gay-Straight) Alliances (GSAs) or similar student-led clubs. These clubs provide a safe space for LGBTQIA+ students and allies to connect and advocate for inclusion.

• Student Voices: Encourage LGBTQIA+ students to share their experiences and ideas for creating a more inclusive school environment. Amplifying their voices fosters empowerment and community.

Tips for Families: Supporting LGBTQIA+ Youth at Home

1. Be Open and Affirming

• Listen Actively: Encourage open communication with your child about their experiences and feelings. Listen without judgment and validate their emotions.

• Show Support: Express your love and support for your child's identity. Affirming family environments are linked to improved mental health outcomes for LGBTQIA+ youth.

2. Educate Yourself

• Learn Together: Educate yourself about LGBTQIA+ issues alongside your child. Share resources and engage in discussions to build mutual understanding and support.

• Seek Resources: Connect with local or online support groups for parents of LGBTQIA+ youth. These groups can provide valuable insights and a sense of community. Out Youth offers a Caregiver Support Group and Family Office Hours to help families learn more about how to support their child and their own mental health. PFLAG is another great resource for families.

3. Advocate for Inclusion

• Engage with Schools: Advocate for inclusive policies and practices within your child's school. Attend school board meetings and collaborate with educators to promote LGBTQIA+ inclusivity.

• Community Involvement: Get involved with local LGBTQIA+ organizations and events. Community support reinforces your child's sense of belonging and acceptance.

Resources for Creating Inclusive School Environments

Here are some valuable resources to help educators, families, and students create safe and inclusive environments for LGBTQIA+ youth:

• Out Youth (that’s us!): Provides free or low-cost individual counseling to youth ages 5-29, support groups for students and families, a safe place for youth ages 9-23 to receive support and form connections, and resources and training for school personnel,

• GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network): Provides resources, lesson plans, and training programs to support LGBTQIA+ students and create inclusive schools.

• The Trevor Project: Offers crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQIA+ youth, as well as educational resources for schools and families.

• Human Rights Campaign (HRC): Provides resources and guides for creating safe and inclusive environments for LGBTQIA+ youth in schools.

• PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays): Offers support and resources for families of LGBTQIA+ individuals, including educational materials for schools.

The Power of Inclusive Education

By implementing these strategies and utilizing available resources, educators and families can work together to create a safe and inclusive environment for LGBTQIA+ youth. This collaborative effort not only promotes mental health and well-being but also empowers LGBTQIA+ students to thrive academically and personally.

As we observe Suicide Prevention Month, let's commit to fostering environments where every student feels valued, respected, and supported. Together, we can make a difference in the lives of LGBTQIA+ youth and build a more inclusive future.

Celebrating Austin Pride: Supporting LGBTQIA+ Youth Through Community Organizations

As we celebrate Austin Pride this August, it's a great time to reflect on the vibrant LGBTQIA+ community that makes Austin such a unique and inclusive city. Pride is more than just a celebration; it's a time to honor the resilience, strength, and diversity of the LGBTQIA+ community, especially our youth. This month, we're shining a spotlight on the incredible organizations and community groups that support LGBTQIA+ youth in Austin and exploring how you can get involved.

The Importance of Community Support for LGBTQIA+ Youth

LGBTQIA+ youth face unique challenges, from navigating their identities to overcoming societal barriers. Having a supportive community can make all the difference in their lives. According to the Trevor Project, LGBTQIA+ youth who have at least one accepting adult in their lives are 40% less likely to attempt suicide. This statistic underscores the importance of community support and resources for LGBTQIA+ youth.

Organizations Supporting LGBTQIA+ Youth in Austin

1. OutYouth

OutYouth (that’s us!) has been a cornerstone for LGBTQIA+ youth in Austin for over three decades. Offering a variety of programs and services, including peer support groups, counseling, and social events, OutYouth provides a safe and welcoming space for young people to explore their identities and find their community.

• Get Involved: Volunteer or contribute to OutYouth's programs through donations. Every effort helps ensure LGBTQIA+ youth have the support they need.

2. Transgender Education Network of Texas (TENT)

TENT focuses on furthering gender diverse equality in Texas through education and networking. They offer resources and support for transgender and nonbinary youth and their families, aiming to create a more inclusive and understanding society.

• Get Involved: Support TENT by attending their events, volunteering, or donating to their cause. Advocacy and education are key to creating lasting change.

3. PFLAG Austin

PFLAG is a national organization with a strong Austin chapter dedicated to supporting LGBTQIA+ individuals and their families. Through peer support, education, and advocacy, PFLAG helps families understand and accept their LGBTQIA+ loved ones.

• Get Involved: Join PFLAG meetings, become a member, or volunteer to support their mission of fostering acceptance and understanding.

4. The Q Austin

A vibrant community space for LGBTQIA+ youth and young adults, The Q Austin (a program of Vivent Health) provides social events, workshops, and support groups. They focus on empowerment and community-building, ensuring that young people have the resources they need to make healthy choices and thrive.

• Get Involved: Attend events, volunteer your time, or spread the word about Q Austin's programs to support their mission.

The Impact of Community Support

Community organizations have transformed the lives of countless LGBTQIA+ youth in Austin. For instance, Freya (she/they), a 19-year-old trans youth, found solace and friendship through OutYouth's Drop-In Intiatives. "I have what I lost for a while, which is people that I can talk to and not feel worried about them judging me," Freya shares. "After getting more involved, I found myself going outside and and regularly taking care of myself."

Stories like Freya’s highlight the profound impact of community support on LGBTQIA+ youth. These organizations provide more than just resources; they offer hope, connection, and a sense of belonging.

How You Can Make a Difference

Getting involved in supporting LGBTQIA+ youth is easier than you might think! Here are some ways you can make a positive impact:

• Volunteer: Many organizations need volunteers to assist with events, mentorship programs, and administrative tasks. Your time and skills can make a significant difference in the lives of LGBTQIA+ youth.

• Donate: Financial contributions help organizations sustain their programs and expand their reach. Consider setting up a recurring donation to provide ongoing support.

• Advocate: Use your voice to advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights and inclusion in your community. Attend local events, engage with policymakers, and spread awareness about the importance of supporting LGBTQIA+ youth.

• Educate Yourself and Others: Take the time to learn about LGBTQIA+ issues and share your knowledge with friends and family. Education is a powerful tool for fostering understanding and acceptance.

Celebrate Austin Pride with Purpose

As we celebrate Austin Pride this year, let's do so with a sense of purpose and commitment to supporting LGBTQIA+ youth. By highlighting and supporting the incredible organizations in our community, we can create a brighter, more inclusive future for all young people. Whether through volunteering, donating, or simply spreading the word, your efforts can make a lasting impact!

Let's continue to uplift and empower LGBTQIA+ youth in Austin as a loving and caring community. Happy Pride!