Holiday Prep: Navigating the Season as an LGBTQIA+ Youth or Ally

Rachael Longoria, MS, LPC, NCC (she/her) is Out Youth’s Director of Clinical & Social Services. She is also an Adjunct Professor of Counseling at St. Edward’s University, President of the Capital of Texas Counseling Association, a PhD candidate at Texas Tech University’s Counseling Education program, and operates a private counseling practice, SpeakEasy Counseling, LLC.

Alok Vaid-Menon once said, “It’s never been about comprehension, it’s always been about compassion.” This quote feels especially important as we head into the holiday season. For LGBTQIA+ youth, this time of year can bring joy but also many challenges.

The holidays often come with more harmful rhetoric and policies that target LGBTQIA+ communities. Many queer and trans youth face higher risks of depression, including seasonal depression, compared to their cisgender, heterosexual peers. Affirming someone’s identity can greatly improve mental health for LGBTQIA+ youth (Riggle et al., 2014; Tordoff et al., 2022). Without support, though, youth in states with anti-LGBTQIA+ policies are more likely to experience bullying and substance use (Watson et al., 2021). The Trevor Project also found that less than 40% of LGBTQIA+ youth feel their home is a supportive space.

Family gatherings and traditions can sometimes bring tension for LGBTQIA+ individuals. Whether you are part of the LGBTQIA+ community or an ally, showing compassion can make a big difference. Here are some tips to help you or your loved ones get through the holidays.

Holiday Coping Tips for LGBTQIA+ Youth

1. Find affirming spaces. Spend time with people who allow you to be your true self. Safe and supportive environments can make the holidays much easier.

2. Check in with your emotions. Ask yourself how you’re feeling. Do you need a break? Is there someone you trust to lean on? Have a plan for coping if things get tough.

3. Follow positive voices online. Make your social media a space that uplifts you. Follow people and organizations that reflect your values and make you feel good about yourself. (Like Out Youth!)

4. Consider advocacy or activism. If it feels right, take part in actions that support LGBTQIA+ rights. Advocacy can look different for everyone, from speaking up in conversations to supporting policy changes. Choose what feels empowering to you.

Tips for Allies of LGBTQIA+ Loved Ones

• Show your support. Let your loved one know you care about them and value who they are.

• Ask questions with kindness. Be curious and open to learning about their experiences.

• Educate yourself. Learn about LGBTQIA+ topics on your own so your loved one doesn’t have to explain everything.

• Be nonjudgmental. Create a space where your loved one feels safe and supported.

• Offer affirmations. A simple “I’m here for you” can go a long way.

A Reminder of Your Worth

It’s easy to give compassion to others, but don’t forget to show it to yourself. The holidays can be tough, especially if you’re in a space that doesn’t feel affirming. Here’s your reminder: you are loved, you matter, and you deserve to take care of yourself this holiday season.

Whether you find strength in advocacy, supportive spaces, or allyship, these steps can help make the holidays more manageable. Remember, you are not alone. Out Youth and many other organizations are here to support you through it all.

References:

Gonzalez, K. A., Pulice-Farrow, L., & Abreu, R. L. (2022). “In the voices of people like me”: LGBTQ coping during Trump’s administration. The Counseling Psychologist, 50(2), 212-240.

Johnson, K. C., LeBlanc, A. J., Sterzing, P. R., Deardorff, J., Antin, T., & Bockting, W. O. (2020). Trans adolescents’ perceptions and experiences of their parents’ supportive and rejecting behaviors. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 67(2), 156.

Riggle, E., Gonzalez, K., Rostosky, S., & Black, W. (2014). Cultivating positive LGBTQA identities: An intervention study with college students. Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling, 8(3), 264-281. https://doi.org/10.1080/15538605.2014.933468

Tordoff, D., Wanta, J., Collin, A., Stepney, C., Inwards-Breland, D., & Ahrens, K. (2022). Mental health outcomes in transgender and nonbinary youths receiving gender-affirming care. JAMA Network Open, 5(2), e220978. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2022.0978

Watson, R. J., Fish, J. N., Denary, W., Caba, A., Cunningham, C., & Eaton, L. A. (2021). LGBTQ state policies: A lever for reducing SGM youth substance use and bullying. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 221, 108659. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2021.108659

Supporting Your Trans and Nonbinary Child: A Guide for Families

As we honor Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) on November 20, we take a moment to reflect on the challenges trans and nonbinary people face and recommit to building a more supportive and affirming world. For parents and caregivers, raising a trans or nonbinary child can feel like uncharted territory, but you’re not alone. With love, understanding, and the right resources, you can create a safe and nurturing environment where your child can thrive.

At Out Youth, we’ve seen the difference family support can make. We’re here to help you navigate this journey with your child, offering resources, community, and guidance every step of the way.

Why Support Makes a Difference

Trans and nonbinary youth often experience higher rates of bullying, discrimination, and mental health struggles compared to their peers. According to The Trevor Project, more than half of trans and nonbinary young people considered suicide in the past year. But there’s hope: research shows that just one affirming adult in a child’s life drastically lowers those risks.

You have the power to be that life-changing support for your child. You can create a home where they feel safe, valued, and free to be themselves.

Building a Supportive Home Environment

1. Start with Listening and Learning
   If your child has shared their identity with you, it’s a sign of trust. Listening without judgment shows them that you’re a safe person to turn to. Be open to change and take time to learn about gender diversity and what being trans or nonbinary means. At Out Youth, we offer resources to help families deepen their understanding, such as our weekly support group for parents and caregivers of transgender, nonbinary, and questioning youth.

2. Affirm Your Child’s Identity
   Simple acts like using your child’s name and pronouns and advocating for others to do the same can have an enormous impact on their well-being. Celebrate their choices in how they express themselves—whether it’s through clothing, hairstyles, or hobbies. Your support tells them that they’re loved exactly as they are. When the world feels out to get them, it means everything for your child to know you’re always on their team.

3. Seek Out Support
   Parenting can be tough, especially when navigating something unfamiliar. Connecting with other families of trans and nonbinary youth can make a world of difference. Along with free counseling for LGBTQIA+ youth, Out Youth offers support groups and resources where you can find community, advice, and encouragement.

Helping Schools Become Safe Spaces

1. Advocate for Inclusive Policies
   Schools should be places where every child feels safe. Talk to your child’s school about creating inclusive policies such as having teachers use the correct name and pronouns, providing gender-neutral facilities, and addressing bullying. If you need help getting started, Out Youth can provide tools and resources to guide these conversations.

2. Encourage Representation
   Ask about incorporating LGBTQIA+ topics into the curriculum. Representation helps all students understand and respect one another. Supporting student-led groups like Gender and Sexuality Alliances (GSAs) can also create a more inclusive environment.

3. Partner with Educators
   Work with your child’s teachers and school counselors to ensure their needs are met. Sharing resources, like those available through Out Youth, can help schools become better allies to trans and nonbinary students.

Being an Ally in Your Community

1. Start Conversations
   Use your voice to educate others about the challenges trans and nonbinary youth face. Sharing your journey as a supportive parent can inspire others to become allies and show other families of trans youth that they are not alone.

2. Show Up
   Attend community events like TDOR or Pride celebrations to show your support. Organizations like Out Youth host events where you can connect with other families and allies.

3. Celebrate Your Child
   Being trans or nonbinary is just one beautiful part of who your child is. Celebrate their resilience, their creativity, their intelligence, and everything else that makes them unique.

Out Youth: Here to Support Your Family

At Out Youth, we’re here for families just like yours. Whether you need resources, a listening ear, or a community that understands, our programs are designed to support LGBTQIA+ youth and their families. From support groups and counseling to educational workshops, we’re committed to helping you create an affirming environment for your child. If you don’t know where to get started, you can always just reach out.

A Brighter Future

This Transgender Day of Remembrance, let’s honor the lives we’ve lost by committing to the young people who are here today. With love, advocacy, and support, we can create a safer world for our children—one where they are free to live as their truest selves.

You’re not in this alone, and Out Youth is here to walk with your family every step of the way.